Your Grace's Knave

One singular, tiny, otherwise insignificant moment in time utterly changed my life and yours

This will be the last thing I post until such time as you respond. I have no idea if you will ever read this. It really doesn’t matter anyway. But I hope you do read it - and I hope you do think about it long and hard before you make any life changing decisions.

I am happy you have found new love. Not happy for me, but happy for you. All I want - all I have ever wanted - is for my Rose to be happy.

But consider this - if not for one singular, tiny, otherwise insignificant moment in time, you and I would be married right now, happily so.

Just under a year ago, someone broke into your car. There was no real damage. The only loss was a used and obsolete iPod. I volunteered to buy you a new one but you said it wasn’t even worth it and you had another one somewhere. But that was the moment that changed everything.

You no longer felt safe at my apartment. Your mother started to hate me because she blamed me. You decided you needed to move right away to a place with a garage. Moving cost money and time and added stress. That sped up the end.

Yes, I know I still had problems of my own with no car and a tax bill - but that’s all over now. There was an end in sight - if only you had had the patience to see it through and stick by my side.

A month after you left me, I had my car. My tax bill was paid. I refinanced my credit cards once Karen sold the house. I got my student loans deferred for a year. Everything would have been fine.

If not for the stolen iPod, you would have been able to go with me to Chicago to get the car and meet my family. They would have loved you. We would have had more time for your family to get to know the real me, the me you loved. You know I was already ready to officially propose marriage to you - I was only waiting to give your family and mine some more time. We had talked about marriage, and it was for real. Right up to the end, you were talking about our future together. You told friends you were going to marry me. It was coming. I had your ring picked out and was ready to buy it. We talked about dates, and we considered an October wedding - because, you know, October. That was what I truly wanted. I wanted us to be married by October. That was also when I could move out of my apartment - do you remember the last time we dropped off my rent together? Our rent, actually - you are still my cosigner. I picked up a stack of envelopes, and you said “you won’t need that many - if you do, something has gone wrong.” Well, something went wrong, alright. We would have been married by October and the move out of your apartment would have been us moving into to a place together. And once living together, and sharing expenses, my financial problems would be a thing of the past. We’d be married now, living together, happy, and planning a future.

All that is gone now, because of one singular, tiny, otherwise insignificant moment in time.

I really hope you are happy one way or the other. But we could still be happy together, forever. Everything can be restored - it only takes your will to do so.

I love you, my Rose. I have always loved you. I loved you before I met you. I loved you before time. We are twin souls and will, ultimately, some day, love again - if not in this life, in the next, and beyond.

Please, just think about that, before you change this life.

You were - and still are - my best friend.

Please don’t shut me out forever.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

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